so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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