i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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