First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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