he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
