He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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