What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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