hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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