What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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