He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
