I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
