does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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