I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
