You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
