..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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