I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
