i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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