The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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