so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
