I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
