Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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