I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
