i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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