My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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