so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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