I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
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She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
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So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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