I feel great
I just peed on a car
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
