I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
