I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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