Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
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The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
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I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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