Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Randomize
