Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
