my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize