it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
