I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
