I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
