I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
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