wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
