I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
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i think i recognize dicks better than faces
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
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I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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