I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
