I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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