you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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