Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
