Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
