i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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