i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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