I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
