he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
