I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
