we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
smell my finger.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
