The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
