you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
