Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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