He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
