I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
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Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
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I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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