You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
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Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I just blew my weed a kiss
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
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I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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