there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize