It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
