Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
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