He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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