i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
