When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
