New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize