I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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