you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
