I must be too annoying 4 u.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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