ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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