Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Randomize
