it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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