Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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