I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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