I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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