She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i would punch a child for taco bell
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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