new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
